When we set out, four years ago now, to write a series of books - to create a universe in fact - where the world is actually being controlled not only by a satanic elite but by The Satanic Elite, we had suspected that there would be some resistance to some of the ideas there presented, obviously.
What we never expected was for the world to try and outdo us; taking all the storylines and ideas we'd discarded as just too unlikely and over-the-top, and running with them. Some might say that this shows us the main difference between new-to-the-art creative writers and the experienced...
Though I am writing fiction I, at least, try to make it somewhat credible!
These days, in my research of secret societies, shadow government conspiracies, out in the open government conspiracies...I can barely keep up! Even politicians are backing and disseminating them!
Of course, Rule #1 of any conspiracy is that once it becomes mainstream, it is doomed because conspiracy theories, like those things they claim to seek to expose, thrive best in the shadows. We all know Q, for example, has been dying for a while now and will soon be dead. In its shadows, on the fringes of the internet and social media, it experienced little to now analysis or criticism. Now, in the light, it can freely be picked apart and dissected until people see how few actual bones they have and wander off, disappointed, in search of something new very few people know "the truth" about.
We have spent a great many hours and years in the study of conspiracy theories and one conclusion we reached quickly was that there are so gosh-darned many of them! There was absolutely no way we could explore and develop all of them.
The idea we had fallen upon to anchor The Chronicles of Enoch in the real world was to take existing conspiracy theories and not only explore them but also reveal that they were merely a shell, an empty distraction, for an even greater conspiracy; a magician's trick to take one's eyes off what he was really doing.
We gave this job to Asmodeus, to manufacture all of the popular conspiracy theories and manage the distractions which hid the truth of Fallen Angels running the world in secret as well as demons and monsters running free about the Earth. In order to make him convincing, to give his work some credibility, we had to understand what a conspiracy theory is and how they work. Not only how they work, though, but how they catch on.
Let us allow Asmodeus to take over from here...
The Workings of a Conspiracy
You see a CONspiracy is the key. Like any good con, what they most need to grab hold of is the mark's cupidity. If you can convince the marks that they are onto a once of a lifetime deal or thing that almost nobody else is going to get a share of, they like that, being special and chosen, as it were. Look at our friends, the internet scammers; "we chose you to receive this ridiculous amount of money we just cannot get rid o.f.
Chose, that's the word that matters when you're relying on ego and cupidity to hook your mark. You're important, one of the very small number of the vastly important 'people in the know' on the whole planet while vast hordes of sheep just munch their grass and provide sweaters for the elites.
Conspiracy theories are what we often call the long con, which means that we don't really ask the mark to 'commit' anything material as it were, not right away. We hook them, slowly reel them in and, if we play our cards right, wait for them to actually offer of their own free will to make some contributions to 'the cause'. You see, everyone wants to be special.
The Origins of a Conspiracy
Early religions sprang up because humans had forgotten how things worked in the universe. We'd taught them a lot but the Fall of Atlantis and the scattering that followed meant that much of that knowledge was lost.
We know why the sun 'comes up' in the morning and 'sets' at night. We know what the phases of the moon are all about. We know about the seasons and what causes them. We know that the sun will 'go away' and that it'll get colder for a period of the year but Spring will come as it always does. We don't need to stab innocent little animals to death and burn them afterwards to appease the god of the sun, who we clearly pissed off in some way or another. We don't need to pray and sacrifice for rain because it comes when it's ready and if it doesn't, no amount of small furry animals or virgins are going to make it hurry are they?
You don't pray for a good harvest, you roll your sleeves up, se up some good irrigation and crop management and, miracle of miracles, your food grows. If your crops keep dying and you get a severe drought every couple of years, maybe it's time to consider a migration of some type or another; maybe it's time to consider alternative crops?
Stabbing some inexperienced young lady in the chest and doing stuff with her blood while shouting at clouds is not a sustainable strategy in my opinion. Sooner or later, either young women decide to make sure they're no longer virgins pretty quickly or you stab the wrong on and, before you know it, something think you will make a much better sacrifice because the virgins clearly are not doing the job.
All humour aside, who was it that got benefit from such an arrangement? Why the priests and shamans of course. "Ohhhhhhh!" they would strike a dramatic pose and declare. "The great god Eggsandtomatoes is anxious and withholdeth the rainseth!" causing much ado among the general populace and nervousness among young women of virtue. "Let me do the rituals and polish the fancy knife!"
Now, if he's clever, he gets good at spotting when rain is on the way or some important event is about to happen and plans ahead. Tie young lady to slab, gesticulate and ullutate for a bit, give her a good stab and wave her heart about for people to see before tossing it in the brazier for the god to snack on the nasty smelling smoke. Rain falls, people dance in it, priest is the insect articulations of choice. Of course, the priest is so busy priesting and dealing with the mythic that he can't grow his own food, have a job and so forth now can he? What if the god gets upset unexpectedly and he needs to off and priest without prior notice?
Cushy little number! He gets somewhere to sleep, plenty of good grub, female company of the non sacrificial sort if he likes, if the god gets left food and offerings from the people, well somebody has to give the god a hand every now and then, right? He keeps the god happy and our village/collection of hovels/city/nation prosperous so nothing's too good for him, right? Right.
So the idea was formed. Humans are a curious lot. They like to explain everything and once the explanation makes sense to enough of them, they make it truth even if it is utter bollocks. If important people with supposedly magical powers are telling them it's right, they'll go with that rather than stand out and look a right idiot..and become the next person on the stabee list.
The Evolution of the Conspiracy
What does any of this have to do with people believing aliens are partial to probing rural booty and that shape-shifting lizards are secretly running to planet? That very human idea about understanding everything.
One would think that in this digital age in which we now live, there'd be no need for this rubbish but, alas, when it comes to handing around the intelligence, my father is well-known for His frugality.
In this age where we know so much and have 24 hour access to it, can find anything with the right resources and enough time and determination. This is not a world where hiding things is particularly easy. Everyone carried a camera and video recorder in their pocket. Something important that happens in India will be seen from Sweden to Australia minutes later. More secrets have been released by various individuals over the past few years than ever before. People can earn instant fame, tonnes of money and innumerable partners of their choice with just one video.
Do you honestly think that, if such a vast and complex conspiracy really existed, that not one single person of the thousands required to keep it quiet would not have been at least tempted to enjoy to the max before 'they' catch and eliminate them? Humans are good at blabbing and terrible at keeping secrets!
So, your ancient High Priest becomes your modern prophet, guru, wise being, or in-the-know person keen to share their secrets with a chosen few. The clever ones will know how the internet and the game work. They will drop a clue here, a hint there, neglect to say something there...human minds are pattern recognition engines so some will catch onto what he's implying. The more enigmatic the clues, the more interesting they are. The blurrier and jerkier the UFO videos, the better!
Absolute, undeniable proof would ruin everything so one must be careful. Another odd human trait of that of faith. They like to believe in things they cannot see with absolute, unshakeable conviction while igonoring what is right in front of their noses. Once I discovered it, I knew it was going to be useful...
An Interlude
Alright, the pachyderm is indeed quite visible in the parlour! Asmodeus! they cry. You are denouncing faith as stupid yet you spent countless eternities orbiting the Countenance of The Creator, singing His praises! You know He exists, you know angels and monsters exist! You work for a fallen angel, the fallen angel who is, in actual fact, secretly running the world so we are right with our theories!
Listen. Faith cannot exist in the face of absolute, undeniable proof. For faith to exist, so too must doubt, it's like light and dark. I have no faith in The Creator's existence because I know He exists. Faith is what causes humans to build complex systems of religion that exclude everyone they don't like and set themselves apart as the only ones that are right.
Let me tell you this, for all of His failings, The Creator is honest at least. He cares not for which building you attend on what day of the week, what you wear when you go there, whether you read from this Book or that one, what language you speak. He does not need faith, obedience, or dogma, He needs everyone to get along and then you might survive long enough to see what it's all about. He gave you those Commandments and stuff in order to overrule your stupid self-destructive nature and guide you to a peaceful state of survival. I don't envy Him the task, really I do not. Lucifer's job is hard enough but at least people seem to enjoy doing what he influences them to. Getting you lot to tread the preserving path is as hard as getting that fly to exit your house by an open window.
I like that simile! Looks easy; big gaping exit point right in front of it but it will fly right to it and abruptly swerve away and commence smashing it's brains out on hard glass. Why can it not see that the path to at least temporary salvation is right there? It's so obvious! He must be so damn stupid not to see to and punish himself inches from it! Yes, now you get it.
Shall we continue? Ok.
Filling a Need
In such a vast and uncaring universe, it is not difficult to feel insignificant and unimportant. In a world where the rich and undeserving appear to prosper and do so at the expense of the rest of you, existencial angst is not an attitude one can really be criticised too much for. This brings us to what I consider the Fabulous Four of conspiracy theories or the categories thereof;
The "People I don't Like get Things I Want". Ethic minorities achieving fame and success, women, members of a different religion, followers of certain ideas, the educated. It doesn't matter who they are, they are better than you are and lord (or lady, or indefinably aristocrat) it over you. They eat children, cheat at chess, put mayonnaise on their french fries and sacrifice Freedom to the devil. Only they don't because Lucifer has much better things to do. They do everything you were raised to dislike and get away with it because "it's all covered up" to protect them. Basically they don't deserve any degree of success, not like you do, and had to negotiate with my brother to achieve it.
The "They're Here....". Ancient peoples with rudimentary tools built the pyramids of Machu Pichu? Nonsense! It was aliens. Stonehenge was made through amazingly inventive ideas, innovative methods of stone transportation and absolute religious dedication? Nah, giants that was. Humans came from disparate branches of similarly evolved primate type thingies? Sorry, that was aliens again, genetic engineering us! They're coming back to free us/wipe us out/enslave us/recruit us in a war/sing kumbaya with us.
The "Stuff They Don't Tell you". All governments around the world meet up once every few years, or when needed, to decide what to tell their population about and what to 'cover up' this cycle. They also meet with the aliens, child eaters, and lizards to drink their blood and act evilly. They usually pick somewhere with a really nice, quiet beach, ideally an island in the middle of nowhere. They fake videos and photos to make the world look spherical, plant fake fossils, fly around in fake UFOs, hide aliens, go on holidays to Mars, have dinner with Hitler, design the latest microchips to implant people with, mess with video capture devices so they cannot capture evidence in anything but a shaky, blurry fashion...
The "Everyone is Going to Die but Us". Often containing fragments of the other three, this is the most popular and, frankly, dangerous category. Hidden secrets and a mysterious 'Them' or two are planning some terrible fate for humanity but those 'in the know' are told about it by 'the prophet' who will guide them to safety and save the human race. Various well-known individuals are 'agents of them' and must be opposed. Anyone who supports them has been brainwashed or is controlled in some obscure fashion and is to be opposed too, at times violently. The QAnon conspiracy is an example of this latter type. Everything they and their favoured politicians disagree with is part of the tactics to destroy humanity and kill freedom with a spade in the woods at night.
There are, you might protest, several more and many of those are completely harmless in that their adherents live in a basement and watch videos all day, rarely bothering anyone else. It keeps them happy. The worst they tend to do is cause people that desperate, glazed expression in anyone they talk to for longer than five minutes. They might craft particularly vicious and barbed comments on certain elements of social media and in doing so break the ignorant but that's about as far as they usually go.
The Legacy of the Star trek Villain
This is Q; a pan-dimensional trickster 'god' from Star trek who taught the crew of the Enterprise valuable lessons in an often unnecessarily convoluted fashion but we all loved the smarmy git, didn't we? The other one, the anonymous one, is as fake as most actors in Hollywood.
The latter Q (actually formally a collection of four; two hackers, two anarchists; they were nerds and needed a collective represented as one for the lulz) pushes the belief that everyone in the world except people they say are OK, are part of a vast and evil conspiracy to...well do something people who like their message won't like or agree with. They're not really clear on what the endgame is, just that it's masterminded by all the people their followers feel threatened by. Now don't get me wrong, I trust any politician about as much as I trust a grenade with the pin removed - we own most of them after all! - but this reaches new levels of silliness. I will be honest, if our good Chronicler wrote stuff of this nature, his editor friends would either send it back with a strongly worded letter or invite him to a brief holiday in a room with nice plush walls and free jacket that does up at the back!
If there were a cult of satanic lunatics that ate baby pizzas, I would know about it because all of that comes directly through me; all cults, fringe lunatic groups, crazy conspiracy loons, and doomsday naysayers are my direct remit. If a former President of the United States was part of a cult controlling the world he would be our employee and I control the books, he's not listed as either contractor or freelancer in any of my ledgers. Penumael had nothing to do with this disease - if any high grade lab anywhere in the world had bred it, the go ahead would have come from her - though she really likes its insideous nature and adaptability. She has kept a few of the phages just to look at them and smile vaguely; I think she's in love!
That a disease that has killed millions worldwide, locked down all countries but a stubborn few, and damaged many more people, that has changed the way we view the world and each other in many positive ways (Lucifer gave Penumael hell for that) was made up to unseat bumble-messiah is so funny it isn't funny. That particular man is very useful to our plans but he was chosen because of his complete lack of redeeming qualities, though; he's about as Christian as I am. I advocated his liquidation two years ago, by the way, but since when does my big brother listen to little me?
If he's the Messiah then I am an honest and beautiful man!
I am of that oh-so old fashioned kind that respects even his, just like Jesus taught. I have many enemies, some of them don't even know that they are my enemies or that I know we are enemies yet. I honour my enemy and laud a fine battle, as it were. I do not insult my enemies in anything but a purely tactical fashion, I denigrate them not at all, I have honour. Anyone that - haha pun intended - demonises their enemies deserves neither enemy nor victory in my opinion.
Obviously Lucifer relishes the spread of this foolishness and has added support and dissemination of it to my list of duties. He says that we have worked very hard to divide mankind so might as well take advantage when they do it so well themselves. They always have managed to be much more creative than us, funny don't you think? We've taken credit for quite a lot (I am Q! hahahaha) that we had absolutely nothing to do with, I do it all the time and enjoy the hearty slaps on the back no-one ever gives me regardless.
Take it from me; if there was any great plan to rule or overthrown Mankind, I'd know about it and be at the forefront because that's my job. The fact that these fools continue to exist, as unctuous and unpleasant as they are, is because they present no direct threat to us, not yet anyway.
Be assured that if they ever do, that "Storm" they waffle about with be but a stiff breeze by comparison to what I'll do to them....
Now lets see if they want a fight or not, shall we? I like the sound of a nice challenge.
Editor's note; This is a work of fiction and these opinions are Asmodeus' own bearing no resemblance to those of any persons involved in the Chronicles of Enoch. This is a frivolous, amusing, piece of fiction extrapolating what would happen if there really was a world-dominating conspiracy in effect and it found out about all the other ones claiming to do what it, in fact, is doing. While editors do not fear reprisal in any shape or form, it always pays to be nice doesn't it? We already got banned from Facebook for posts like this and we need some form of social media presence somewhere!