Fake News & Alternate Facts

to how things are going in the world today, I thought I would update and bring back this article I originally wrote in 2017, things have not really changed for the better. Please be aware that this article is satire and no offense is intended towards anyone except Them. They know who they are and also that I don't care...)

We live in a world which is, as most of us are aware, dominated by information. Thanks to smart-phones, smart TV's, tablets, phablets, crablets (that one isn't real) - smart everything except for people - we are connected and appraised of events from around the corner or around the world twenty-four hours a day. We never miss a single thing. If a politician farts quietly while leaving an interview, somebody will tweet, twerp, fwerp or burp about it. You can guarantee it.

In fact, you can pretty much guarantee that should you get shot, murdered, assaulted or hit by a car these days, people will, thankfully be on hand with a telephone...to record your final moments and share them on social media later with a frowny face or two...maybe even a frowny face with a tear falling from one eye if you're lucky. Did you think I was going to say that would call 999 / 911? Oh dear me, somebody has been living under a rock for a while, haven't they now? That would indeed be responsible and the right thing to do but how many likes would they get for that? How many followers? Come now! Who wants to accept responsibility these days?

This leads me onto my principle, actual point, I'll be back to social media later on, don't worry, it's important but I have other things to cover first. Social media plays a very large role in what I'm about to talk about, actually a very large part so we will be coming back here.

Lets talk about lies, shall we? Untruths. Misdirections. Misleading statements. Falsehood. Or, as they are more popularly termed - in a very nice and nonjudgemental fashion - today, alternative facts.

I believe we used to call them lies but that could be 'Russians' hacking the Merriam Webster database in order to make me think that. That is what they do isn't it? They want to destroy our freedom and replace it with their freedom which isn't even communism any more so.....well...yes...right...ah...I don't know! See that is just it, the age old trick; keep them confused and fighting while we control what they know and fight about.

Let me summarise The Rules right here;

1. Identify the Enemy. Ideally someone who looks a little different, acts a little differently or speaks differently. Someone who can be held responsible for everything which has gone wrong since things were better; everything from The Economy to the store running out of peanut butter last night

2. Identify their Agenda. They want to destroy something we consider important. Taco Tuesday for example. Those £%&*$£"* Mexicans want us to eat Tacos every day! They plan to introduce Fajita Law into America! Our Grandfather's father died in the battle of Ruby Tuesdays to defend our right to American versions of foreign cuisine on set days of the week goddammit!

3. Identify the Group which is "Right". Make it so that one of the Values the target population holds dear is betrayed by not supporting The Group. Identify those who have left the Group as having copulated with the wives of goats from Afghanistani muslim, lesbian, mixed race, transsexual haters of Freedom and Truth!

4. Identify your Stand. Choose something nebulous and indefinable. Identify how They are attacking said Value and the Group is defending it but don't tell people how either is carrying out their activity. Choose something like Freedom, the Right to Bare Feet, Freedom to sacrifice cats to Anubis every 3rd Friday evening, whatever, it doesn't matter. Just be sure to focus on the fact that Jesus or (deity of choice) is said to approve of said value.

5. Alternate your Facts. Now you have established that the Donut Hating, Spanish Speaking, Grey-Haired, People from Around the Corner will do anything to destroy your right to eat a donut with enough calories to fuel a battalion of horses for breakfast and will take all of your donuts from you, we can now ensure that nobody will believe anything they say. They will lie to undermine our basic right to sugary fried dough snacks, they will not attack directly, that is not their style, they will try to discredit and negatively influence people about us. They will talk about the C-word and the F-word, they will bribe doctors to talk about calories, health and life expectancy but it will all be lies! Lies I tell you!

We used to call it propaganda and it was used to manipulate perfectly reasonable people into doing rather stupid and objectionable things. Nothing like what is going on today then right?

Well, OK, the fellows on the right ARE better dressed and somewhat more organised, this is true. Both groups, howev